Signs of Divorce in California [2024 Updated]

We’re here to alleviate stress and provide compassionate law advice.

March 23, 2024

Nobody celebrates fighting with their partner, but when their normal arguments seem to stop suddenly, it may indicate an impending divorce. Couples who fight regularly and suddenly stop may have irreconcilable differences. Learn more about the signs of divorce in California marriages.

Signs You and Your Spouse May Be Nearing Divorce

It’s okay for couples to have regular ebbs and flows; however, if you’ve been going through the motions so much lately that it doesn’t seem like a romantic partnership anymore, you may want to identify if you could be going through a silent divorce.

Below are some signs that you and your spouse could be enduring an emotional divorce. If one or more of these apply to you, don’t panic and think that divorce is unavoidable; these signs should encourage you to examine your marriage.

  • Disengagement: It can be a sign of an emotional disconnect when you feel that your partner no longer seems to want to know what you’re thinking or feeling. When you feel devalued or as though you’re not a priority to your spouse, you probably feel underappreciated, ignored, or unimportant to your spouse.This could be the case if one or both individuals stop showing interest in each other’s day/life or fail to actively participate or be in the moment during shared activities. Sensing emotional detachment from a partner can be a sign they are no longer committed, which may lead to feelings of resentment or unhappiness.
  • No more communication: A healthy and successful marriage relies on extensive quality communication between two people, not just for logistical planning but also to be on the same page and aware of each other’s goals or struggles.When a spouse stops sharing their wants and needs or refuses to communicate altogether, it can be a sign they don’t feel actively listened to or that they’ve decided it’s no longer worth trying.
  • Effort suddenly stops: If one or both spouses have stopped contributing to the relationship, from trying to help with general duties or working on the relationship (e.g., wanting to spend time together), it could be a sign that they don’t feel the partnership is worth the effort anymore. It’s also possible that a spouse views themself as absolved and blames their partner. A marriage where only one person does the work is not sustainable.
  • Loss of intimacy: Not just sexual intimacy but when a couple’s marriage lacks deep and meaningful conversations or moments in addition to physical affection, it could be a sign that one or both people are beginning to give up. It’s normal for spouses to go through changes in their routine, but if intimacy starts to dwindle without any discussion or plans to compensate/improve, there may be deeper issues at play.

How to Address an Emotional Divorce When You Want to Rekindle Your Marriage

As previously mentioned, it’s important to pay attention to how you and your partner’s interactions look, the quality and frequency of communication, and your own degree of emotional engagement. The first step in addressing an emotional disconnection when you want to rebuild your relationship is to have a frank and open conversation about what you’ve noticed and/or how you’ve been feeling.

Another option is to consider seeking the help of a professional, such as a marriage counselor or therapist. There’s no shame in admitting you need outside assistance with your marriage; in fact, it can speak to how much you want to figure out how to make things work. Relationship professionals have tools and strategies that can help a couple better communicate and reconnect emotionally in addition to rebuilding the intimate side of their relationship.

Finally, remember that healing a relationship takes both time and effort. Be patient with your partner and with yourself. Be persistent in trying to rekindle your connection and partnership.


Q: How Do I Find Out if Someone Is Divorced in California?

A: To find out if someone is divorced or to acquire records of your own divorce, you must contact the superior court of the county where the divorce occurred. Generally, if the divorce was public, which most are unless the case is sealed or was conducted through mediation outside of court, you can request a copy of the divorce decree by providing the full names of both individuals and potentially the case number.

Q: What Is the First Thing to Do When Separating?

A: What you first do when separating is up to you. If you and your spouse choose to separate unofficially, meaning you’re living apart and/or have ended your relationship, consider noting the date of separation for tax and judicial purposes.

To be legally separated means you two are still married, but divorce-like proceedings follow (e.g., property division, support payments). The first step is to file for separation; there is no waiting period for finalization.

Q: How Do You Know if You’re Getting a Divorce?

A: If you’re unsure whether you and your spouse are getting a divorce, you can have an honest conversation with them, if possible, about the prospect of divorce. If you and your spouse have been separated for some time and you’re wondering if a divorce has begun by your spouse’s filing, you will be officially served court papers for divorce.

Q: What Is a Silent Divorce?

A: A silent divorce is an often unnoticed, gradual dissolution of a couple’s marriage without them making an effort to distance or separate or officially asking/filing for divorce.

Also known as an emotional divorce, it entails individuals going through the motions of marriage where the slow erosion of love and connection leads a married couple to feel more like roommates or strangers. It’s characterized by a diminished or lack of emotional intimacy that can potentially go unaddressed between a married couple.

If You’re Considering a Divorce, Consult with a Skilled Divorce Attorney

At the Law Offices of Hollie A. Lemkin, APC, our legal team is experienced in representing couples and individuals who feel conflicted about the prospect of separation or are struggling with the divorce process. We’re here to alleviate stress and provide compassionate law advice. Contact us today.

Call today to speak with Hollie A. Lemkin to discuss your questions & issues!


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